The quiet thrill of ballroom manners
One of the most surprising things I’ve discovered about ballroom dance—beyond the glitter, the footwork, and the flirtation—is how deeply it's rooted in manners. Not the kind of vague “be nice” etiquette we try to remember in everyday life, but a specific, choreographed set of social rituals that feels, to me, thrilling.
In the ballroom, appearances matter. Dance is, after all, a visual art. You dress up—yes, even for practice. You smooth your hair, press your dress, and present yourself with care. There’s a certain unspoken reverence for the act of being seen—and for seeing others in their best light. It’s not about vanity; it’s about respect for the space and each other.
And chivalry? Still alive and well. In this world, a gentleman might kiss a lady’s hand with absolute sincerity—no irony, no wink. Leaders always offer an arm to escort their partners to and from the dance floor. Leaders pay solicitous attention to the experience of their partners: Are they comfortable? Are they enjoying the music? Are you protecting their space and timing as much as your own? It can come down to something as simple and thoughtful as a breath mint.
You don’t say no to a dance unless you sit out the number. You don’t leave your partner in the middle of a song. You acknowledge each other with eye contact, a smile, a thank-you. These little gestures speak volumes.
What fascinates me most is how these customs are codified—many of them established more than 100 years ago—and yet they still hold sway. For someone like me, who has always been a bit in love with the idea of a more gracious, mannered time, ballroom is a portal, a living throwback to an era where social niceties reigned, where grace mattered, and where everyone knew the rules—even if some of them are hard to parse at first.
In the ballroom, the world is not only more beautiful—it’s more civilized. And I love it for that.
What ballroom custom do you secretly love—or find the most mystifying? Drop me a line and tell me—I’d love to hear.
And if you haven’t yet read my ballroom thriller, The Steps Between Us, you can find it here. Come for the waltz, stay for the secrets...